What is the Point of Being Single?

The Overlooked Gift: The Season of Singleness

During my freshman year in Bible college, a friend in my dorm gave me some helpful messages by Dr. S.M. Davis about Dating, Courtship, and Marriage. I was greatly helped by the Bible principles that provided clear direction for waiting on my life’s mate in my season of singleness. It bothered me that so many young men and ladies would date for a few months, then break up at the end of a semester. Certainly this was not what God intended for us single students! I wrote the following article during my sophomore year, and gave it out to friends and family. Also, I sent a copy to Dr. Davis and he told me that he made copies and distributed it at his church!

February and Valentine’s Day spurs lots of thoughts.

Can I actually be happy and not even have a potential boyfriend/girlfriend? What a dull life this must be – not having a relationship before marriage! “It couldn’t get any worse,” you may say… or could it? What if you missed out on one of the most special gifts God has prepared for you? Often in life, we receive many blessings that we easily overlook. Of these, especially in the years of adolescence and young adulthood, is this time of singleness. If the season of singleness is governed by Biblical principles, you will receive a lifetime harvest of many beautiful blessings.

The Discretion of Singleness

He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: I Corinthians 7:32b

God has a purpose for your life as a whole, but also for the present time! Throughout life, we grow and hopefully mature! As we mature, we are enabled to make decisions and to take on more responsibility. One of the greatest responsibilities in life is marriage. Marriage is not a mere whim of infatuation, but is a self-sacrificial, holy, life-long sacrifice. This beautiful time of life is designed by God and normally fills the majority of the years we live. Suppose you marry between the age of 20-25 years, and you live until you are 80 years old. At least 70% of your life would be married – a wonderful blessing indeed!

But consider for a moment the first 25% of your life. A high school or college student at this moment would have only 5-10% of their single life remaining. It is important to be single-minded toward God and His service! In Ephesians 6:5, Paul commands servants to, “be obedient… in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ.” What greater time is there than your single years, without many commitments, ties, and responsibilities, to be a single-minded servant for God?

What about this season of singleness?

What about this season of singleness? Do you not think that God would have any special purpose for your life while you are still young and free from the responsibility of marriage? Many young people act as though they can’t be used of God until they have a mate. But God commands His children to be single-minded toward Him. He never intended for us to be consumed with the opposite sex.

Establish the pattern now to be friendly to all and faithful to One, the Lord Jesus Christ. Do you think it could be possible that God has granted us the opportunity to have a season of singleness that we may look to Him, grow to know Him intimately, give our undivided devotion to Him, and love Him with all our heart? God’s Word clearly states in Matthew 6:33, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”

Seeking God first

Proper priorities must be realized in the preparation of life. It is vital that a close relationship with the Lord be developed before a relationship with a lady or a man begins. Develop the discipline of spending time with God before spending time with a guy or a girl. You must be the minister of righteousness God wants you to be before you can be the mate God intended you to be. If you fail to make your walk with God your first priority, then your other relationships will be shallow. You must mature spiritually before being involved physically and emotionally with anyone else.

There are many lessons to learn in life that shape the way we make life-changing decisions. The teenage and college years are the most crucial. There are principles to learn now and many joys to receive now – yes, even while you are single! One way to lose the joy of your present state is to always be living in a “dream world” fantasizing about your future or being with someone God has not yet brought into your life. It is vitally important to be content in your present state and to prepare for what God has for your life. The way to do this is to become as active as possible in serving Christ in your home, church, and school. Demonstrate your trust in God by loving Him with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.

The Direction of Singleness

“But I trusted in thee, O LORD: I said, Thou art my God. My times are in thy hand.” Psalm 31:14, 15a

This is not the stage of life for an emphasis to be placed on outward relationships, but rather on an upward relationship! If we don’t learn how to walk with God and receive direction in life from Him, then we are bound to make wrong decisions that will inevitably lead to heartbreak. Choices concerning the heart issues of life, particularly relationships, must be made with godly discernment.

As Proverbs 14:12 states, “There is a way which seemeth right unto a man; but the end thereof are the ways of death.” The emotions can’t be the ruler of your decisions. God deserves to be trusted with the most important decision we face.  He made us and knows how we operate. We are made in His image. As He is Triune, we also have three parts to our existence: body, soul, and spirit. Upon which of these should we place the most emphasis? The majority of people give most attention to the body.

“If you fail to make your walk with God your first priority, then your other relationships will be shallow.

Many live to please their senses – giving priority to the soul. But when we approach the spiritual realm of life, everything must begin with God and our relationship to him. This relates to the spirit. God wants to be our Father and desires to have a personal relationship with each person He has created. He provided this by sending His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to die for the sin of each man. Jesus rose again and offers eternal life to whoever believes on Him. Once one has received salvation from God, he has True Life.

Many trust God with their eternal destination, but not with their present human relationships. God indeed desires the BEST for His children, but they must surrender the choice to Him and wait for His timing. Pray as the Psalmist did, “Teach me thy way, O LORD; I will walk in thy truth:” Ps. 86:11

The best gifts in life are determined by the Giver of life and are given to those who wait! Don’t be consumed with whom you will marry, but rather on becoming the Christian you ought to be.  Do what God has told you to do today, and He will clearly guide you and give you what you need for tomorrow. But if you choose to be stubborn and do what “number one” wants, then you will not realize God’s perfect will for your life.

The Delight of Singleness

“The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way.” Psalms 37:23

Getting to the marriage altar is a step on the stairwell of life, preceded by many other steps. Many attempt to leap to the step of marriage, and in doing so; they miss out on some of the greatest blessings God has prepared for them (on the other steps). Usually, the result is the person falling down the stairway hurting himself. Thus, casual dating is often a hindrance to experiencing God’s will for your life at the present moment.

Some of the greatest memories of my life are from my years in Bible college. The highlights would be the activities with fellow-believers of my age (both male and female). To be carefree and enjoy company with everyone, be it guys or girls, is an invaluable gift. This is just one example of the joy and freedom there is to experience while being single! Those who have boyfriends or girlfriends spend so much of their time with that one individual and limit their opportunity of whom they can befriend because they are bound to their “special friend.”

There is joy and freedom to experience!

How many life-long friends and memories have been forfeited because of having a boyfriend or girlfriend before being ready for marriage? If while single, we would make this one close friend God wants, which is Jesus, then we could easily be inclusive in our friendships with all others. But when we step ahead of God and choose to involve ourselves in a romantic relationship before His time, then we become exclusive toward others. This simply shows that stepping ahead of God’s timing in arriving to a life’s mate by placing emphasis on a date may be a selfish life-style.

“A man’s heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps.” Prov. 16:9

Someone once told me to “give attention to everyone and affection to no one.” This is a helpful guideline that will enable you to be friends with all and still be faithful to God and to your future mate. As you spend your time with groups of people and you refrain from singling out one person of the opposite sex, you will be in an unbiased position when it is God’s time to reveal your life’s mate.

The emphasis should be on enjoying fellowship in group settings rather than on having a physical relationship with individuals privately. This policy would protect from temptation and preserve many friendships. Life is much simpler when you follow God’s path rather than devising your own way. The season of singleness will surely come to an end sooner than you think!

The Duration of Singleness

“But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.” I Corinthians 7:7b

God has a purpose for every person, and he has a plan for each of his children’s lives. For many, he has the gift of marriage; while for some, he may have the gift of singleness for life. But for all, there is the gift of the season of singleness. Be sure not to make the mistake of overlooking this gift! It is imperative that you find your joy in Christ for what He has already provided for you. Don’t dwell on what you have not, but rather on the gift that is now in your hand. Many are distracted in seeking who they will marry; but before knowing whom to marry, it is important to know when to marry. When God knows you are ready and wants you to marry, He will reveal who your mate will be.

Be content today

Consider life as a long hallway consisting of a series of rooms. As you pass through one room, you come to another door leading you to the next room (phase of life). Don’t spend your life planning and hoping to arrive in some particular room (i.e. time of marriage) that is not yet God’s timing or choosing. You are not promised of tomorrow and may only have this day left. Will you find contentment in Christ or must you seek your own way? Don’t add more weights on your mind, heart, and emotions when it is unnecessary. Be content in God’s will today!

By Luke Knickerbocker, Author of Worth the Wait and Keep Thyself Pure

Read more about Luke and Jamie here.

Although, while in college twenty years ago, many laughed at this article above about the season of singleness, others grew to appreciate it. Best of all, God blessed me with a wonderful love story which is detailed in my book Worth the Wait. In this book, my wife Jamie and I combined our journals from the time we were both single to our wedding day. Read as we discover and follow God’s direction to marriage in a way that honored God, our parents, and each other. Click here to watch me share part of that story with some teenagers. You may order your copy on Amazon Kindle here. It is also available as an audiobook! For a printed book, email me at [email protected]. Books are $12 each and orders of 10 or more are $10 each plus shipping.