Is it okay for a Missionary to leave?

Is it okay for a missionary to come home? It is a hard decision to leave your family to serve in a foreign country. But few understand the struggle when a family must come back home.

A tough assignment

“Congratulations! We are so thrilled to have you back home to stay!” This may be said of a returning soldier from war, but this is not likely the reception of a missionary coming off his field of service. No doubt, there are various reasons for this. But is it okay for missionaries to come home? Please allow us to share our story.

When our family was preparing to go to Nepal, Asia, we were treated royally. While on deputation, churches that we visited gave us the “hero” treatment. It was encouraging, as we knew the work across the world would be difficult. The pain of being separated from family and friends could be expected. The missionary assignment is not for the faint of heart.

Living abroad can be tough on many levels. For us, it included slow ministry progress, language barriers, political unrest, earthquakes, and Covid lockdowns, and no McDonalds! Leaving all behind to go to a foreign context is a sacrifice for the whole family. It is also a privilege and provides many blessings and opportunities. We learned that a missionary couple has to wear many hats. This includes being mom and dad within the home and ministry leaders without.

When plans change

Exactly two years ago, our family had to suddenly leave Nepal. It was the end of 2020, and we were making the trans-Atlantic return flight for the last time as a family. We had so many expectations for our ministry in Asia; now it was coming to an abrupt end, so we thought. We had invested thousands of hours in language learning and building relationships with Nepalis and Tibetans both in the city and villages. But we could not neglect our struggling child who had immediate needs. When a child is in need of help, they become the parent’s first priority.

We felt so much conflict. After all, many churches and individuals had invested in our family and supported us for nearly nine years. (This includes two years of deputation and nearly seven years serving in Nepal). “Were we letting everyone down? Are we now a disappointment to those who had looked up to us? Have we discouraged those we have ministered to? Are we going to be looked at as quitters?” These are some of the questions we silently asked ourselves. I knew that my decision must be the right one for the right reasons. I had to do what was pleasing to God and best for my family, not my personal desires.

Complex decisions

It is not easy to make the decision to leave a place of ministry and the people with whom you have grown to love. For me, it was a dream come true to preach in a foreign language. I loved traveling by bus, plane, or motorbike over the mountains. It was an honor to minister to people who were hearing the Gospel for the first time. Of course, the hardships and challenges are many, but it is fulfilling to know your life is making a difference!

“This may be the end of our time here in Asia.” This was the surreal realization when I was made aware of a serious situation within our own home. One of our children was in serious danger. Immediately, I called my pastor in Tampa and he agreed that we should come back to Florida to get some counsel. During our time back in Tampa, I made the decision to remain stateside for the sake of our family. But that nagging question would still linger, “Is it okay for a missionary to come home?”

A few months later, I had to return to Nepal to sell our belongings. A year later, my wife and I were able to return to visit which allowed her to say “Goodbye” to many friends. Although we had physically moved away from our mission field, in many ways our hearts and minds were still there. We were told that culture shock could be expected when going to Nepal. But the reverse culture shock of knowing we were back to stay indefinitely has been even more difficult than imagined.

Changes are hard

Changes are hard, whether leaving America or returning to live in America again. But just as it was so helpful to know that our families were supportive of our decision to go live abroad, so was it helpful to know that they loved us and respected our decision to come back home. My pastor gave me wise counsel telling me that I should call our supporting pastors to personally inform them of our decision to stay stateside. That way, they would know what was going on and how to pray for us better. I was greatly encouraged by the advice and grace most pastors showed me during our phone conversations. I was reminded that there are times when missionaries must come home.

Yes, it’s okay for missionaries to come home.

Sometimes missionaries may have to make difficult decisions that no one else knows about or even could understand. Often, to protect a family member, a missionary may not have the liberty to explain all that goes into his decision to make a major move. There is much conflict, and prayer and encouragement should be given, not looking at him as a quitter or backslider. (Yes, I know there will be bad reasons why some may come off their field, but let’s not start with this thought.) These are fellow servants that need our encouragement not condemnation. We would show our support for returning soldiers after a term or two at war. Let’s extend that same spirit to our Christian soldiers coming from the battle front – especially if they have been wounded.

Probably the time I enjoy the most, but is emotionally the hardest, would be our annual mission conference. The first mission conference we attended after coming off the field felt like the first family event after a loved one had died. It’s great, but frightfully awkward. It is exciting to see the zeal and hear the burdens of missionaries preparing to go or report on their fields where they currently serve. But at the same time, I can still see the faces of those we came to know and ministered to on our field—and those who have yet to come to know Christ.

Finding Contentment

For me, it has taken nearly two years to come to peace with the major adjustment of living stateside. It is an adjustment to serve in our home church rather than being on the frontlines in a dark continent. I had anticipated being a foreign missionary since the time I surrendered while at teen camp years before. Were all my dreams gone? Was God done with me? Surely no one else has use for a missionary who has come off the field!

I can testify of one thing for sure that has been confirmed in my heart since we have been back: that is, I know my life-long calling is still to be involved in the work of foreign missions. But with the obvious change of location, my way of participation and area of usefulness is different than what it used to be. Surely God’s ways are greater than my ways, and He continues to show me how I may continue to make a difference in world-wide missions. In fact, I have a renewed excitement about my role in missions, even though I have come home from my field.

I am learning that contentment is not found in a place, but rather in a Person. Jesus is the goal, and obeying him as a husband, father, and minister of the Gospel is paramount. When Jesus called His disciples to follow Him, it was a call to be with Him first! Where He leads me is His business, I just must be faithful to hear His Word and obey His leadership. But most importantly, my identity is found in my position in Christ as His child, not in my performance of or place of service.

Just a servant

God continues to show how I can serve him here and now, while still making a difference internationally. He is continually using the present circumstances and opportunities to mold me and equip me for the next mission. I recognize that I was a missionary before I went across the ocean, and I will remain a missionary while here at home.

After we returned to our home church in Tampa, I had no idea what was next for us. I just knew our family would be helped by the Godly influences there. Our pastor asked my wife and I to start a Christian school. We are now engaged in a very important mission of educating young people. My wife and I also have the opportunity to teach an adult class at church and to serve in the bus ministry. Regardless of what position or title I have held over the years of ministry for my Lord Jesus, I have always seen myself as a servant above all. No matter where I am, I want to be faithful to Him and proclaim the Gospel where I live.

Once a Missionary, always a Missionary

Rather than think the worst of a missionary coming off their foreign field, give them the benefit of the doubt, and pray for them. Perhaps, if the Lord could lead them to a place, He could also lead them away from that place. There are times when it is necessary for a missionary to come home. In fact, as a few supporting pastors did for us, thank your missionary for their service and pray with them.

“Once a Marine, always a Marine!” This is often proudly said by those who have served in this prestigious branch of our military. It doesn’t mean that a trained soldier will hold the same title and responsibilities indefinitely for the remainder of his life. He will go to the field, perform his service, and may even help train others to do what he knows. But he knows that his allegiance to his country is unwavering, and even as he ages and experiences life’s changes, his heart is always with his brothers.

Missionaries (whether on a foreign field or back home), are always on a mission…to bring glory to God and building Gospel bridges to the lost. Since my family has returned to America, I have seen that some of the challenges we faced in Asia are also prevalent here. The Biblical foundation that America had in the past has greatly eroded. That’s why I continue to make videos and write literature to guide unbelievers to Jesus Christ through my evangelistic website www.PilgrimofTruth.com that I started while we were in Nepal. I will share more about that in a future post.

www.PilgrimofTruth.com

I also desire to stand in the gap and equip more laborers to go into the harvest. Perhaps more families would be inclined to go to a foreign mission field if they knew the door would be open for them when they came back home! Another missionary who served in Africa and returned to live in the United States wrote the following helpful article: 6 Ways to Love Missionaries When They Come Home. I trust it will be a blessing to you. Here is a missions message I preached to our church about Holding the Rope.

Your Fellow-Servant,

Luke Knickerbocker

“Serving the LORD with gladness”

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